Grasping

Every Sunday morning I walk into the cold sacristy of our church and begin to put on my pastor uniform. With the organ softly playing in the background I put on my robe, then my cross, then I check to make sure I have grabbed the correct color stole for the season of the church year we are in before placing it over my shoulders, and then I tie it all together with my cincture (a belt made of rope). This process was very foreign to me at first. The last church I served at didn’t ask their pastors to wear this traditional uniform, and for that I was thankful! I have to admit that at one time in my ministry I was one of those people who thought it was a bit silly. Really, we still wear this stuff?

But when I came to serve at Bethany I knew this would become part of what I do week in and week out. So, I humbly submitted myself to the requests of the congregation. Now, this may seem like a small thing, which in the scope of my overall existence it is a small thing. Yet, God has used this act of placing these vestments on my body week in and week out to slowly teach me that when we humble ourselves and submit ourselves to something or someone outside ourselves, we actually find life in the midst of those limitations.

We live in a culture that prioritizes and even encourages everyone to do what they want to do when they want to do it as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. We have come to believe that any sort of limitations placed on our lives are harmful and that we need to be liberated from anything or anyone who says otherwise. We have been formed to believe that limitations do not lead to flourishing, they lead to death.

We don’t realize it, but this way of thinking has been passed down to us from our first parents, whom the ancient Hebrew scriptures name Adam and Eve. You may have heard the story of a talking serpent in a magical garden and how it convinces Eve to eat fruit from a forbidden tree. Eve gives in to the serpent’s temptation and takes the fruit and eats it and since that moment all of creation has been living under a curse. I get it, it’s a wild story that seems far-fetched to our Western minds. But I invite you to try to set aside your skepticism about talking snakes and forbidden fruit for a moment and be open to the possibility that this ancient story may still have some relevance in your life today.

The story says that Eve, “took of its fruit and ate it.” The word used for “took” could also be translated as “grasped.” This is not a positive use of the word. Eve grasped for something that did not belong to her. A set of limitations had been placed on her and she defied those limitations. She was led to believe that overstepping those limitations would not lead to death as she was first warned.

Don’t we do the same thing in our own lives all of the time?

We see what we want and we go after it, even if it is not ours for the taking.

You see the job you want that you don’t have, so you free yourself from the shackles of your current job to pursue the career jump that you assume will make you happy.

Your family has outgrown your 2,500 sq. ft. house and you decide you need the 4,500 sq. ft. house so everyone can be out of each other’s hair. Never mind the financial strain it will put on your family which will cause you to take on more hours, hoping it will prove to your boss that you are worthy of the above-mentioned job.

You feel as though your spouse has changed (it couldn’t possibly be you who has changed) and she no longer gives you the butterflies you once felt, so you are encouraged by your friends to liberate yourselves from the shackles of your passionless marriage to fulfill your heart’s and body’s desires to be embraced by the warm arms of a new lover.

Our job, the place we live, the person we are married to, even the families we have been born into… these are often seen as limitations to overcome or to break free from once they no longer suit our personal desires or life goals.

But what if we are thinking about this all wrong?

What if instead of grasping for things, people, or situations that may not be ours to have, we begin to see these limitations as gifts from God to teach us how to humble ourselves as they are used to form us into truly flourishing humans?

I recently listened to a teaching about spiritual formation that talked about the active and passive aspects of spiritual formation. The active parts of spiritual formation are the things we do like reading our bibles, learning to pray, and learning to be part of a church community. This active formation is good and necessary because it prepares us for the deeper work of passive formation. The passive formation happens to you. God often uses the things that we cannot control to grow us into Christlikeness.

A few weeks ago, I posted a piece called Sucker Punched. In the course of three days my mom and Tanya’s mom both received very bad medical diagnoses. We went from dreaming and praying of what it would look like to have grandparents near us to a very different set of circumstances to be dreamt about and prayed over.

Life happens.

We can’t control most of it.

We can’t break through these literal limitations on life.

So, what do we do?

We can kick and fight and grasp for what we cannot have…

Or we can learn to submit to the mysteries of these circumstances and choose to trust that God can somehow, by his grace, work in the midst of these situations to continue to form us into his image. Even if we never gain control again.

Easier said than done.

But this is my prayer. That God may do this work in me.

Sunday morning is coming. Again, I will walk into the sacristy and place my vestments on my body. With the placement of each piece of my uniform, I will be reminded that I am not in control of my life. With each piece of my uniform, I will be reminded that life is often found when we learn to receive from it rather than to take from it. It’s a hard and frustrating lesson to learn. I still don’t really enjoy wearing my uniform. It’s bulky, it’s hot, it covers my tattoos (Come on!). But God in his grace has taken ordinary things like robes and stoles to teach me that he is good and that he is active in my life, even when I feel like I am totally out of control.

Maybe that is right where he wants me.

Maybe that is right where he wants you too.

Grace and peace ‘til we rise in glory.